1. |
Hourglass
03:16
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The iceplant flowers and ivy vines
Wrapped around my ankles
Pulled taught and taught me nothing
But I won’t cut ‘em, it’d be too painful
It’s so hard to keep your head on straight when you’re
Locked in the garden looking over the gate
With a useless yearning for what you can’t recreate so
You waste your life trying to trace it
Hourglass, pour me through
An hour passed and I had more to lose
Can’t get home, at least
Not with wide open eyes and cold lips
There’s only one way to
Turn the sand into what holds it
It’s so hard to keep yourself subdued
You dove in every gutter that reflected the moon
It was so funny ‘til the joke came true
Then you wonder, “Did I waste my life?”
Hourglass, pour me through
An hour passed and I had more to lose
Put me in a room with things I can’t have back
I just want one last look
In a room with things I can’t have back
I swear I’ll only look
In a room with some matches
Oh, did I not mention the matches in the room
Come on, let me out
Hourglass
An hour passed
Pour me through, more to lose
Poor me, I am mortal too
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2. |
Chainsaws (Isla Vista)
02:21
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Been chiseling with chainsaws
And listening to “Plainsong”
Wish I’d never lied to you before
Now that I want to twine my life with yours
Among the waist waves and fistpumps
We swam off Isla Vista
The water was body-wash blue
And I let it push me to you
I let it push me to you
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3. |
Housefire
04:00
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You should know if you make this a habit
You’ll be the first Close Friend that they lose
There’s folks getting up to beat traffic
That’s not a standing ovation for you
Have you thought about drinking with your left hand
That might make it exciting and new
But even if it just slowed you down, we would take that
How does it feel compared to…
Caught once, I don’t make the pickups now
Housefire, just to scare the hiccups out
Caught once, I don’t make the pickups now
‘Cause I know
I know
I know better
The scent off the lake is metallic
To match the taste in your mouth from the cut on your tongue
It reminds you of old church camp cabins
Where you cried for Led Zeppelin alone in your bunk
But now on the bank you’re quiet
Looking up at the leaves, thinking how
They can channel the light without casting a shadow
You want to learn to now
Caught once, I don’t make the pickups now
House fire just to scare the hiccups out
Caught once, I don’t make the pickups now
‘Cause I know
I know
I know better
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4. |
Bodies of Water
03:15
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What did that flicker of sleep remind you of
The bodies of water assigned to us
Sunken or drowned, drunken or sound
Don’t tell me you don’t remember
What you dreamt or what it meant, you’re
Looking through the bathroom mirror
Like you would a window to a yard on fire
Where did you walk when we fought it out on the phone
Did you only think you were alone
Could families in houses have heard
What you shouted about me and known
That all my talk-show charming, all my mom-and-pop disarming
Won’t hold water, except ground water
And God knows how long even that can last
I don’t close my eyes, love
When we bow our heads
Because I’m watching for signs of
What you see instead
I don’t close my eyes
And I always count the exits
How would you characterize yourself at that age
I get the sense you were less afraid
But running my fingers over these pictures can’t tell me
What black-lake thoughts
Inform the expressions in every shot
I bet I know you better than whoever took these
But they came out fine
Why can’t I press my neck to your neck and be sure
My deficit lines up straight with yours
Wound or the scar, the story or part
Please tell me before it empties out
From under me and drags me down
A sinkhole drains to the other side
And I can’t make that long walk back alone
I don’t close my eyes, love
When we bow our heads
Because I’m watching for signs of
What you see instead
I don’t close my eyes
And I always count the exits
You’ll never catch me with my back turned
And I don’t close my eyes, love
When we bow our heads
Because I’m watching for signs of
What you see instead
I don’t close my eyes
And I always count the exits
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5. |
Person
02:02
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Who’s the person you imagine
Who reads everything
That you’ve written down in the margins,
Does the translating
When you’re ten years in the ground
Checks your Jane Eyre
Acts fine but friends find out
He’s still keeping your clothes there
Who’s the person who gets closest
He tells everything
Unless he wakes up thinking you’re there
It’s embarrassing
It only takes a sound
He busts a doorframe ‘cause he
Gets high and gets locked out
For calling her your name
Who’s the person you imagine
Who’s the person you imagine
Who’s the person
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6. |
Disaster Kit
03:58
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Packed a bag and told me “I didn’t ask for this.”
I begged you lower your case and
keep your eye on the asterisk
If we could find the disaster kit
we’d be fed for the weekend at least
At most for the week
And the water still comes free
But if I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I haven’t held up my end of the deal we made
I told you’d Rodney’d be back Thursday night
and we’ll all get paid
With his gym bags and razor blades
and his access to the painters downtown
Who keep us around
For that off-white fake fight sound
But if I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
And if I wake up now
Then I have to tell my mom
That I tried to pad the count
And I got caught
And I got stomped
And as I lay here now
With all these wires hooked to my elbows
I’d rather die than come to
And have to explain how I lost you
But if I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
If I wake up now
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7. |
Suit
05:13
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He wears a suit to his workouts
His gym clothes to work
Just to make sure both crowds
Know he’s in with the other
You can’t trust a man
That vain not to vote for himself
That kind of time in the mirror
Can’t be good for your health
I know you’re reading his emails
I don’t mean to sound callous
But babe, the devil’s in details
I’d check his absentee ballot
I heard he comes from a family
With traditional values
You can’t trust them youth group kids
To leave it all in their youth
Don’t you want someone beautiful and useless
Talk a big game but the truth is
I’ll do nothing
Don’t you want an advanced degree like mine
I play these power chords in time
It’s got to mean something
I don’t need you to know my name
To have read my thesis
But just acknowledge I’m not the same
I don’t need to be Jesus
But would it kill you to act for just one second
Like you give a damn
I don’t know where that came from
that’s not who I am
Don’t you want someone beautiful and useless
Talk a big game but the truth is
I’ll do nothing
Don’t you want an advanced degree like mine
I play these power chords in time
It’s got to mean something
Don’t you want the examined life I advertised
Don’t you want it with me
Don’t you want to be agonized by my complexes
I can make you free
(Don’t you want what I can give you, honey
I’ve got half a Ph.D
Don’t you want what I can give you
Don’t you leave)
(A suit to his workouts
A suit to his workouts)
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8. |
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Stealth from the car
In through the yard
I said the door noise could’ve been anything
You met me upstairs
Turned on the air
Asked me a question
We were fighting for fun
Saying “Only this once”
It was a hotwired ambulance joyride
Or as casual as church:
Wear whatever shirt
It’s still God you’re addressing
We were thinking
When it finally ends
At least we won’t be settling
We’ll get out before then
Shake hands like gentlemen
When it finally ends
We still won’t be settling
We’ll get out before then
We can both forget again
Cross the divide
Wire in the the sky
I had to clean my place with a flamethrower
My druthers include
My brothers and you
My eternal obsessions
You calm me down
Blue-flowered gown
I want to grow you a diamond inside a piano
I want to tell you a story
You really enjoy
It’s gonna take me a second
And when it finally begins
We still won’t be settling
Where the hell have you been
I’m out front, come let me in
And when it finally begins
We’ll break hearts as far as Jamestown
Swear to God I’ll stay thin
It begins now
Bolt of silk
Pontchartrain
Somersault
Among the graves
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9. |
Twenty
03:14
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Was the winter the boys bought peacoats
Wore ‘em like they’d grown in naturally
As if it wasn’t sixty-five degrees out
Like we could sport the tragedy
It was your sister’s memorial
They made it a god thing
You used to light up a room
Talk tough in stage whispers
I still owe you so much cool
You were my first sister
Had me laughing, ‘til I caught your straight face cracking
We still talked but never once about what happened
Was the winter the boys bought peacoats
Learned the pocket trick on State Street
Kept our questions beneath those
I guess we just figured maybe
You had processed it whole
But you were twenty years old
You used to light up a room
Talk tough in stage whispers
I still owe you so much cool
You were my first sister
Had me laughing, ‘til I caught your straight face cracking
We still talked but never once about what happened
(I used to light up your room
Talk tough in stage whispers
You still own me so much cool
But I’m not even bitter
Had you laughing ‘til you caught my straight face cracking
I never told you what it meant, no one was asking)
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10. |
Distance
05:11
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I don’t think you know
What I hear when the needle lifts away
Forest thick with ghosts
They keep their mouths and their weight
Poland, snowblind three years
Been blind drunk however many since
Keep it behind behind the mirror
So I’m the one I have to convince
If I need any distance
I’ll put my head underwater
If it’s loud when I listen
I’ll swim down even farther
I’m a monster
I’m a martyr
I don’t think I’m home
I remember a warmer place
I can’t wear these clothes
Now loose in the shoulders, the waist
It’s not you or the children
When I sit in the driveway dark
You’re the reason I come back inside
I need breath in my ears
I need nails in my arms
If I need any distance
I’ll put my head underwater
If it’s loud when I listen
I’ll swim down even farther
I’m a monster
I’m a martyr
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Valewood Los Angeles, California
Conejo Valley
Cul-de-sac Rock
Trevor
Baxter
Arlan
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